VOLUME I, ISSUE 2|
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EXHIBIT B: FORDFollowing his naval service, Ford found himself tooling around the area of his alma mater as a lawyer of no particular repute. During this time, Ford was able to use his dull wit and, er, good name to win over a divorcee with a flair for trouble by the name of Betty Bloomer. Married in October of 1948, just weeks before Ford won the first of thirteen elected terms in Congress, Betty would go on to make an even larger public spectacle of herself than most women wanting to enhance their social standing by latching onto politicians.
As an alcoholic pill-popper who toyed with bouts of depression even during the glorious national orgy of love and psychedelics now referred to as the 60s, Betty Ford was likely a gifted sexual practitioner, as no other explanation fits to why a career man like Ford would keep a woman clearly better suited to be a mistress or slutty intern around for what would eventually be the duration of his life.
But Ford's encounters with off-kilter femininity hardly ended there. He was the first president to have his life attempted on by a woman when Manson Family member Squeaky Fromme put him face to face with a loaded revolver, and, in short order, became the first president to have his life attempted on by two women in a calendar month when Sara Jane Moore tried the same trick two weeks later.
Ford was clearly the physio-political embodiment of an Axe body spray commercial, drawing out of women an explosive range of emotion not seen again until Barack Obama was able to carry key red states in the '08 election on the strength of the curious white housewife demographic.
Considered together, these episodes demonstrate Ford's preternatural ability to awkwardly stumble headlong into near catastrophe and wind up none the worse for wear. You can imagine his opponents as a collective Frank Grimes, unable to understand how Ford's Homer Simpson can obliviously skate through life so successfully, ultimately frustrating them into their downfalls.
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