VOLUME I, ISSUE 2
 "Who was the greatest U.S. President?" We don't know, but more importantly, we don't care. "OK, well, who would win in a fight?" Now that's a good question! We'll lay out the analysis and you vote. Full mission statement |
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 You've always fancied yourself an expert on things. Unleash your wisdom upon the dozens! Now is the time! To the blog! |
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 PICKING A VICE PRESIDENTIt doesn't seem like rocket science, but yeesh. History's riddled with bozo veeps. Take a look at some worst case scenarios in the latest feature. |
 FORD: EXHIBIT B!Gerald Ford was many things to many people. To women, he was mostly a target. For shooting guns at. Really. |
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ROOSEVELT: EXHIBIT B! "Son, have you tried the jackrabbit?" "Uh, Lt. Roosevelt, that's a Spaniard you're eating, sir." "Well, it tastes like jackrabbit! Dig in!" |
 NEW COMIC!Those are some rad muttonchops, Mr., uh, Mrs. Hillary?? This week's comic looks into the future of political facialry. |
 WALK SOFTLY, SPANIARD!On safari, Roosevelt feasted on cougar and partied with zebras. Dude. In office, he boxed himself blind and got shot for fun. DUDE! |
 FORD MODEL G!This guy's got a face like a robber's dog but goes like the clappers. Half man-half skull, any fight with Ford will have marathon potential. |
 BLOG: THE FAT VOTENovember 4th? Only three weeks until Thanksgiving! |
 PURPLE HAYES!The first loser! As of this moment, Rutherford B. Hayes stands solidly in dead last, second place. See how it would have gone down! |
 IKE ON COMPUTERSIn the first installment of his exclusive series, President Eisenhower discusses the first computer hack...sort of. Watch out, comminglers! |
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LINCOLN: EXHIBIT B! Poetry? I beat the shit out of that guy in high school...and college! Slice and dice, emo-Abe. |
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BLOG: LESSONS FROM HISTORY Jews' harp you say? I'm not entirely comfortable with that. But you'll never guess who was! |
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HAYES: EXHIBIT B! Didn't expect that letter you wrote to Lucy to show up here did you? A bit too loose-lipped with the old quill-tip, I'd say. Prudence in all things, dingus! |
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BLOG: FUCKING NEW YORKERS Eisenhower left office warning of the military-industrial complex. Nothing about the media-idiot complex that's grown over the past 50 years, though. |
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BLOG: PET POLICY What does John McCain have in common with The Beastmaster and Paris Hilton? That they're all Beastmasters? Not quite, but close! |
 WEAKNESS QUIZ!Broken bathtubs... public weeping... narcolepsy... by Heads of State?! Test your knowledge of presidential patheticness all the way to the bank. |
 NEW COMIC!William Henry Harrison: Executive embarrassment? We think not. And you will too! |
 RUTHERFORD B. SLAYS!In for the fight of his life, check how Ruddy would stack up in the squared circle against Honest Abe. Possibly the first cyborg head of state. |
 THE GETTYSBURG BADASS!Lincoln was depressed, but was he also a pussy? "Aren't those just synonyms?" Woah, that's taking it too far, pal. But yes, they are... Although a pack of pirates might argue otherwise. |
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